PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

I spent the day at my glassblowing apprenticeship where I, along with two other assistants, helped the glass artist or gaffer with her production work at her studio. Today, a new apprentice showed up who is more experienced then me.  During our work, he continued to give me instructions, as I usually take instructions only from the gaffer.  Normally, I would just continue on with my work without responding to the other assistants’ instructions as I find too many cooks in the kitchen make a bad meal.

As I continued to try to listen only to the gaffer, I found myself feeling irritated by the circumstances.  If I didn’t have hurt within me, then I would not react or feel irritated. The emotions that arose within me was the feeling of not being good enough and that I am not as good as this new assistant.  These emotions came as a surprise to me as I have been working hard on building my self esteem and observing my ego.  Although I did not react, these emotions rising within me bothered me.

What I realize is that as a child, I was made to feel worthless and unlovable if I was not the best in every endeavor.  As you can imagine, being the best in every endeavor is simply impossible. Through this awareness, I have become more compassionate toward myself, and still love myself regardless of the level of success I achieve.  This is learning self love by giving ourselves compassion and unconditional love regardless of what happens in our external world.  Sending healing love, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)