PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

This morning as I ate breakfast with friends, I kept sensing jealousy and resentment from one of the woman in the group. I couldn’t figure out why.  After returning home, I realize that I sensed this jealousy and underlying anger because I still mirror this within me.  Jealousy or the feeling of not being good enough has been one of the most difficult issues that I have had to overcome in my emotional healing work. I felt jealous of my mother because my father sexually abused me as a child and created this distorted and dysfunctional dynamic between me and my mother.  Because my mother is emotionally ill, she was unable to stand up to my father about the abuse, but blamed me for it as did my father.

During most of my life, I have had this very strange and competitive dynamic with other women.  I also have attracted many emotional ill or unstable women into my life.  This is where I am in my emotional healing work to overcome this dynamic from my past with my mother as it translates to relationship with other women in my life now.  It is important for me to stop this dynamic of jealousy and competition.  The reason there is this dynamic is because I don’t feel good about myself in some way, and the other woman feels the same.   I need to heal this part of me to overcome these feelings within me, so that I no longer seek and attract this dynamic into my life.

I believe the key here is to overcome the anger toward my mother for competing with me when she should have been the nurturer and loving mother in my life.  I must forgive her for failings as a mother, and for competing with me when she should have supported and protected me during my childhood abuse.  When I can finally forgive her, I will overcome this unhealthy dynamic with other women in my life.   May you find healing within, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)