As I continue to heal, I see signs of my recovery nearly every day. It is revealing me to myself as if I am getting to know a new person. Yesterday while rock climbing with my new climbing partner, I chose a very difficult route to climb. My climbing partner is a stronger climber normally climbing more difficult routes then me.
Last night, I chose a route that even she said was difficult to climb, so there I was climbing my heart out trying to make it to the top. I was able to climb over the first crux or the difficult part of the route. As I reached the ledge of the wall where I must pull myself over, I struggled numerous times without success. After several tries and exhausted, I asked my partner to let me down, but she refused saying that I only had three more moves to finish the route. I insisted that she let me down in a firm and assertive tone without getting angry or upset.
In the past, I would have gotten very upset with her then with myself. I would have gotten very defensive with her as I would have felt unworthy for failing to finish this route. Then, I would have spent the remainder of the evening punishing myself for my failure, and feeling unworthy all over again.
The feelings I had after not completing the route is very much how I feel about my spiritual journey and life in general. I am where I am suppose to be, I am neither ahead of another or behind another. I no longer compare myself with others, as I accept myself for who I am and where I am in my progress whether it is spiritual growth, emotional healing, or rock climbing.
It simply no longer matters what others think of me, or what I am or am not able to accomplish. This is such a feeling of inner peace as the turmoil I felt earlier in my life no longer remains with me. I have given up the voices in my head of my parents, who made me feel unworthy as they felt unworthy about themselves. I have let go of trying to get approval from others, and trying to prove my own worthiness to myself.
It also shows that my ego is no longer controlling my life as the fears of being unworthy, abandoned, and rejected no longer rule my life. It is the beginning phases of true healing for me, and a new life without the emotional “baggage” of my past weighing me down every minute of every day. Blessings on your healing journey forward, Brooke (Copyright 2014 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)
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