PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

Today, I interviewed a victimized student of dating violence at the college where I work.  This student told me that she was still dating the accused, and that she was more concern about his well being than herself because of the trauma he experienced in his life.  As I spoke to her, I realized that she sees herself as the hero/rescuer, instead of someone who was victimized.

During our conversation, it became apparent that she was simply unaware of the dangers of being re-victimized as this is the typical cycle of abuse of abuse, reconciliation, and abuse again. She told me that she was going to help her boyfriend overcome his trauma, and I explained that she cannot make him better, but he must want to recover and do his own emotional work.

The phenomenon of hero/rescuer can happen to all of us.  We believe that we are more powerful than we really are, must rescue others out of compassion and empathy, and rescuing others also bolster our own self esteem. However, the hero/rescuer phenomenon have many pit falls, as we focus on another’s emotional and psychological problems instead of our own. We also get dragged down into the darkness of those we attempt to rescue, as we simply cannot change or heal anyone else, so we essentially live through their darkness.

The hero/rescuer is typically one with low self esteem and likely have faced trauma as children or adults.  The compassion and empathy also is misplaced as truly healed individuals understand that trying to control or manipulate another into healing or change simply will not work. We can only work on and heal ourselves from our emotional wounds, so put the focus where it needs to be, on yourself.  Sending healing love and peace. (Copyright 2015 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)