PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

This evening, a friend called me lamenting about her divorce. She complained about what a horrible person her husband is, how he left her for another woman, and how he now is trying to screw her over.  The most difficult part of divorce is that we married the very people we are now blaming and calling a horrible person, although we fail to see that it is we who chose them as our spouses.  No one forced us into this marriage, and the failure of the marriage is the responsibility of both parties.

To deal with her problem, my friend is now dating another person after only a few months of separation in the hopes that this man will solve her problems.  She also is needing others in her life to keep her occupied and busy so as to avoid feeling her emotional pain.  These are very typical coping skills after the breakup of a relationship. We go through withdraw from co-dependency as we are accustomed to having another to depend on, to take care of us, and to comfort us.

Dependency or co-dependency is a form of addiction as it can be emotional or physical.  As with every addiction, without a person to depend upon we will replace one person with another to pacify our addiction.  Withdraw from dependency is painful, as we must now confront our fears of being alone, and our emotional pain when earlier our dependents kept us distracted and preoccupied.

I too went through this withdraw, and the pain of withdraw from this addiction.  It took me three years to overcome my addiction to co-dependency, as I tried replacing my dependent, kept myself so occupied and busy with friends and activities, and denied this dependency addiction. Now instead of being afraid of being alone, I cherish hearing my higher self, feeling my beating heart, feeling the ebb and flow of my own energy, and enjoying the glorious silence. When I don’t get this alone time to myself, I feel deprived.

My advice to my friend is to learn to be alone and don’t fear this aloneness, and let this aloneness be your friend.  If we don’t break this co-dependency and learn our life lesson, this problem will simply repeat in our next  relationship, and into our next lifetime as this cycle continues. (Copyright 2015 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)