If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I left my 9 -5 job to establish a start-up consulting firm, began performing in my own jazz ensemble, and moved to a low income community. I recently also volunteer at a homeless program in my community. This phase of my transformation has been difficult in that I am facing all of my fears at once.
I face the uncertainty of irregular income, finding clients, and fear of failure. I also face my performance anxiety of playing for a audience in a new genre of music. Finally, the community I live now in has more crime than I am accustomed. Today, I drove through and witnessed an arrest on my street with the police drawing a gun on a suspect. I was really freaked out by this incident, and wanted to move from this community.
As I reflect on my life, I realized that I have been brought to this place for a reason. I am embarking on these ventures for a reason. It is to overcome my fears. My fears paralyzed my life as I was physically and sexually abused as a child. I ran from my fears to survive, but now it is the day of reckoning! No more running away.
What I have observed is that every time I overcome a fear, another fear immediately arises within me. It is like doing battle when the enemy keeps coming at you without a break. Today, I finally overcame my anxiety about sending out solicitation letters to former colleagues about my new consulting firm and asking them to help spread the word, and my worries about getting our first gig for our jazz ensemble. Then this afternoon, I witnessed this arrest on my street where I walk and drive through every day.
I believe these are my tests, and these battles with fear is the day of reckoning as I have avoided them for so long. I have made these choices in my life so that I may face my fears head on. It is no small endeavor, I must admit! It is a wonder during our spiritual journeys, the obstacles and struggles we face. However, I also know the Infinite would not have led me here if I couldn’t handle these obstacles. Now, onward as I raise my sword to slay the next dragon of fear! (Copyright 2019 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved)