PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

After years of childhood abuse, I am observing how my self esteem and worth is so depleted.  It is one of the major emotional pain that I experience today.  I struggled with depression, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and thoughts of suicide for most of my adult life.  Since college, I have worked diligently to overcome my emotional pain.

Recovery work is like peeling layers of an onion.  We peel back layers upon layers of the onion only to find more layers beneath.  I am confronting my low self esteem and worth now in my emotional healing work.  To my surprise, I still hold beliefs that I thought I had released.  However, as I tell the truth about myself, I still want approval from those I like or admire, I still feel flawed and worthless, I still fear failure, and I still exhibit harsh judgment against myself.

I am revisiting some inner child work I had done years before with a therapist.  I am working on this alone now, and attempting to find self love and compassion when I face harsh criticism and judgement from me about myself.  This voice is the voice of my mother, who is mentally ill.  She too was emotionally and physically abused as a child by her mentally ill father, my grandfather. The emotional pain that I face now has been passed down in my family for generations.

Specifically, I use Emotional Release Practice which I shared in an earlier post. Try this practice as it may help you too. (Copyright 2019 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)