The holidays is a tough time for many, including me. Many unresolved issues arise within me. There are issues of shame, guilt, and self blame that still exist within my emotional landscape. They manifest in my everyday life through my interactions with others. During the holidays, these negative emotions become more heightened. I know that if I still have these negative emotions within me, I simply will continue to attract others to me with the same negative emotions.
Children blame themselves for the abuse and harm they suffered. For instance, if they are abandoned by their parents, they believe they caused the abandonment. If children are abused, they believe they deserve the abuse. This is the mind of a child. As adults, if we have not resolved these negative beliefs or perception, then we continue to believe these myths about ourselves, and continue to behave as the injured child within.
Behaviors or emotions experienced as adults may include self sabotage, self loathing, self blame, shame, and/or guilt. For instance, if our lives are going well, we may initiate self sabotage by creating an argument because we feel discomfort within through anxiety or guilt. We then feel self loathing, self blame, and shame for causing this self sabotage. It is a common cycle for many of us.
How do we change these negative emotions and subsequent, negative behaviors or actions? The first step is self awareness. Check-in with yourself several times a day through grounding. During these check-ins, determine where you feel these negative emotions within your body? What does this negative emotion feel like in your body? What does anxiety feel like to you? What does guilt feel like to you? What does shame feel like to you? On a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 at the highest level, where are you on this scale right now? By practicing self awareness, it will become easier and quicker to identify these negative emotions before we start reacting to them.
The second step is practicing deep breathing exercises, meditation, or Emotional Release Practice, even if it’s only a few seconds or minutes at a time until these negative emotions pass. Do not react or identify with these emotions; they are not you, but merely passing emotions. Practice this as often as needed. With practice, these negative emotions and thoughts associated to these emotions will eventually dissipate. Have patience with your practice as it does not work spontaneously, but will be more and more effective with each practice. Blessings on your spiritual journey forward. (Copyright 2019 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
2 thoughts on “Holiday Blues”
Once understood they lose their power over us. Like a new job or first time mountain climbing or first time on a horse, we are nervous or scared. We don’t understand what it is to do these things, unsure if we can do them. But if you continue to do it, after a while it becomes easier, we get used to them and gradually lose that fear of the unknown until it becomes second nature…and they then lose their power over us totally, we no longer give them any thought.
Our fears from childhood are the same. Because we were so young our wisdom to deal with heavy emotional things was non existent so we did the one thing children can do…block, put up a wall to those things that cause pain, and slowly build something that we take into adulthood. But the difficult part is we don’t know why we did this, because we didn’t understand what was happening, we just wanted the pain to stop.
So as adults with much more emotional experience in the world we are being asked to look deeper into that pain, see truly what it is made of and in understanding it we will break free of its power and at long last be free of its pain.
It is hard, but it is also something we will so appreciate because of what it took to get there and love ourselves even more because of it. Even after we finally see its cause, we, out of habit, still react to these fears, but each time it gets weaker and weaker because we are getting used to it, seeing that we can in fact face them, and slowly defeat that monster that always seemed to be under our beds.
Do you check under your bed any more. No, simply because you now understand that they are your childhood fears. Relegate your current fears to the same place…by understanding them.
All of life is a process of understanding and as we go through those many things they become second nature and lose that hold on us. Understand you…and be totally, finally, beautifully free.
You can do this because I know you can, I see it every day. It takes a lifetime to break free. Be proud of that, because the longer that time, the more beautiful your heart will shine, the more empathy and love will flow from you.
Much love, light and energy for your journey, may this new year create an unconditional love all over…yours. No longer bound by those conditions that our fear brings ❤️
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Thank you for your insights and wisdom! Blessings and light!
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