Living as an Empath


Living as an empath has its drawbacks.  One is not knowing if feelings I am experiencing is mine or others.  Recently, I experienced three episodes of anxiety attacks while with my Twin Flame.  One of these episodes occurred near an art gallery where I felt horrible pains in my chest and in my heart chakra of emotional pain and hurt.  I ask my Twin if he had a negative experience there, and he described that a gallery owner earlier rejected his art work .

On two recent hikes together with my twin, I felt panic attacks when we were discussing about his artistic and musical pursuits.  The first episode involved anxiety with tightness in my chest, and difficult breathing.  The second episode involved tightness in my chest and nausea.  When I described these feelings to my Twin, he expressed that he had been experiencing nausea in the morning for about a year.  During each of these episodes, I sense thoughts of not being good enough or unworthiness.

I am in the process of understanding why I am experiencing feelings of panic and anxiety.  Are my feelings of unworthiness being triggered within me?  Since he is my twin, we have similar emotional wounds, so am I merely mirroring the negative emotions of unworthiness, lack, and insecurities?  As I am energetically connected to my twin, am I experiencing his symptoms of panic and anxiety?

I sense that he blames others, particularly women for his feeling of inadequacy.  Are we both blaming others for our own feelings of inadequacy?  Maybe this is simply a mirroring of two Twin Flames trying to unravel our issues that are intertwined.  I continue to struggle to understand what is actually happening.  If you have any insights, please feel free to share and comment below. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)



In the End


In the end, everything works out for the best. Over four years ago, I was involved in a destructive triangle with two Kundalini active people. As I was abused as a child, this was the dynamic from my childhood. These two individuals were married to others when they became emotionally and energetically involved.

The irony in all this, is that the spouses of these two individuals moved onto others who love them now, and they are in happy committed relationships. When I was involved with the man in this triangle, the woman was married to someone else.

Even I moved on to find love in my life, and am in a committed relationship with someone who is perfect for me. It appeared that these two individuals served as life lessons for all three of us of what we don’t want in our lives.

As a result of meeting these two Kundalini active people, I was able to find, after letting them go, a loving and kind man who is good to me. I am grateful that I met these two Kundalini active individuals because I will never repeat this type of behavior with anyone else again.

I believe these two individuals serve as important life lessons for many they encounter.  As I reflect back now, I am no longer angry, but I feel very grateful that they forced me to let go of my past, and showed me the right  and higher path. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with all rights reserved.)

Living in Fear


Most of us may not even realize it, but we live with constant fear nearly every minute of every day. Fear is not just about being frightened about any particular thing, person, or event, it is a mental state.  This is what I feared.  I feared change, abandonment, rejection, trusting others, being unlovable, being unworthy, being alone, and being injured again.

The problem with this fearful mental state is that we do not take any risks, and cannot grow or move forward.  Although I wanted very much to move foward, I was stuck and living in the purgatory of this mental state. I lived in this misery for a long time.

Another problem with living in this fearful mental state is that we will attract this exact energy that we fear.  Like energy attracts like energy, and I met others who abandoned me, rejected me, told me I was unworthy, deceived and lied to me, or physically or sexually injured me.  I created more misery for myself, and lived in this misery for a very long time.

The third problem is that our perceptions because of our fears will keep us in this fearful mental loop.  If we fear being abandoned, we attract this energy into our lives, and then we are abandoned by them.  We convince ourselves that we are victims because what we fear actually came true so others are doing this to us just like we fear. This is called victim mentally, and  I lived in this misery for a even longer time.

A critical part of moving forward and overcoming these fears is our willingness to face our own fears.  This is what I did.  I decided to leave my marriage and live alone because I fear being alone. I purchased a house and a car on my own.  I began to change my life first with small things like standing up for myself, uncluttering my life as I can be a hoarder, and learned to set healthy boundaries.

I began to work on my self worth and esteem by learning to accept who I am, including my light and darkness, with the belief that I can overcome my darkness.  I began to take care of myself by going to the doctor, exercising, eating healthier, and making better life choices.  I coupled these efforts with emotional release practice, and other healing modalities.  Please see my earlier post on “Emotional Release Practice.”

In other words, I began to work on myself by looking inward, and taking responsibilty for my own life choices.  With these efforts, my life started to change as I began attracting different people, situations, and events into my life that was different from my earlier life.  This is how I know what I am doing is actually working.

When we confront our fears, and take responsibility for our life choices, we begin to attract very different energy into our life, and the outcomes reflect this new energy. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)



Accepting the End


When I saw this above meme, I realize it was speaking to me.  For the past five years, I have been letting go of everything I have ever known or understood about my own life.  It is a gradual process of releasing my ego’s identity and how I see myself.  It is the Dark Night of the Soul as many describe on their spiritual journeys.

This awareness and recognition of who I was and my darkness within, gave me the vision and intention to change my life once and for all.  Along the way, I had to leave my old negative patterns of behaviors and thinking, and leaving people, things and places behind in order to transform my own life.

I do not believe it is possible to keep your old life, and live a completely different new life. In my opinion, it is an illusion and fiction we tell ourselves so as to avoid doing the necessary hard and real emotional work in order to transform and heal.

I have observed many including Kundalini active individuals who exist through spiritual bypass.  Please see my earlier post on “Awareness of Spiritual Bypass.”  During spiritual bypass, they focus on intuitive powers and only on the spiritual light, experience ego inflation, avoid the darkness that is within each of us, or engaged in inappropriate or abusive behaviors convincing themselves that this is intended to help others.  Unfortunately, a life changing or traumatic event in their lives will bring them back to their unresolved emotional issues as they have been operating in ego or smaller selves.

I have come to understand that Kundalini active individuals are no different than others.  Although we have heightened intuitive abilities and have the ability to accerelerate our emotional healing, if we don’t raise our consciousness, release our egos, or confont the darkness within us, no healing will take place and our intuitive abilities may be used to harm others through manipulations by convincing ourselves that this is intended to help others.

I have been the victim of such spiritual abuse and have observed Kundalini active individuals engaged in sexual exploitation, sexual molestation, sexual assault, marital infidelity, and others boundary violations. I have since forgiven them for these trepasses. However, if you don’t use your gifts for good, you can lie to yourself and others by convincing yourself that these violations are to help and benefit others.

Our ego’s denial is a tricky thing, and we all fall prey to it.  If we identify with ego, we will believe this denial.  It is easier to just see the light within ourselves, but it is the darkness within that we must confront and transform before true light is possible.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)




Understanding Rage


I have come to understand that all humans have rage, but just in differing degrees.  This rage is the result of unadressed accumulated painful or traumatic experiences over the course of many soul lives. Rage can be expressed outwardly or inwardly, or a combination of the two.

I have observed many who turn their rage inwardly toward themselves.  They self mutilate and harm, such as cutting, suicide attempts, substance abuse, anorexia, addictions, etc. Other turn their rage outwardly by harming others, such as verbal and physical altercations, physical and sexual assaults, destruction of theirs or others possessions, instigation conflicts, etc.

Earlier in my life, I exhibited turning the rage toward myself through self harm as I was so depressed and anxious that I had suicidal thoughts and addictions, but I also exhibited anger outwardly as I instigated conflicts, started verbal altercations, and destroyed possessions.  I am not proud of my past, but I acknowledged and confronted my reality in order to change these negative patterns in my life.

When I am around others who exhibit these behaviors now, I provide resources and support to them when they request help and assistance.  However, the majority of the people I encounter still are in deep denial and in deep slumber.  It appears that awakening is still very far off for them because of their fear of the truth. I also believe that those who are Kundalini active still may remain in denial, as the rise of Kundalini energy does not equate to awakening or enlightenment as this energy merely provide the potential for awakening or enlightenment.

It has been difficult for me as I help those who ask for help, but I also move on from those who remain in denial.  I believe that my energy is better served to help those who are on the cusp of awareness and transformation, but my energy is simply wasted on those who wish to remain in denial. It feels like bashing my head against a brick wall over and over again.  I try to send these people love and healing energy from afar, but I choose to move onto those who really want and accept my help for their transformation.

During this holiday, I wish for peace, love, and awareness for all of humanity.  May we heal ourselves and our world. Sending blessings of love, peace, and joy to you! (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)



Karma and Relationships


Many in the spiritual community talk about twin flames, soul mates, and karmic relationship.  I must confess that I don’t believe relationships or our life partners are fated as these relationship labels indicate.  I believe that we have free will to determine what is right for us at a certain time in our lives with the person that feels right for us at that time. This may change as we heal our emotional wounds, grow emotionally and physically, or move from place to place.

What I do believe comes into play in relationships is the concept of karma.  My understanding of karma is that we could have created karma with another soul from past lives or we can create karma in our present life.  For example, if we have unresolved issues as we may have wronged others or others may have wronged us, this issue must be resolved between the two souls.  This happened to me, and the key to resolution is forgiveness without forgetting the past wrong that is the lesson we learned.

The second kind of karma is ones we create in our present lives. Everyone has created negative and positive karma with others.  I can safely say that there are no beings who have no karma to resolve that is created in the present.  This is particularly true in romantic relationships when we have wronged others meaning that we have deceived, betrayed, or lied to our loved ones over entering into another romantic relationship, such as an extra-marital affair or cheating on our romantic partners.

Many may argue with me about this point.  However, no matter how two people try to move on from how this relationship intially began, it will be wrought with problems as it began through deception, betrayal, and lies.  This foundation is not sound, and your loved ones will not wholeheartedly support this relationship.  I believe this is the karma created through the deception, betrayal and lies to our loved ones.

Karma will stay with our souls from lifetime to lifetime, so we may run but we can’t hide.  No amount of our egos’ delusions can change karma. So if you decide to enter into another romantic relationship, make sure you have honestly told your spouse or partner that your relationship with them is over, and is no longer working.  Enter the next relationship through honesty and truth so negative karma is not created by this new relationship.

As it is said, life is an echo.  What you do and say are reflected right back to you.  Do good, and good will return to you!  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

The Feeling of Falling Away


The experience of falling away is a miraculous one.   During my spiritual journey, I have come to realize, it is really the falling away of who we are not.  Those are the layers of pain, hurt, and emotional injuries we have suffered over the course of our soul lives.  This journey of mine is really about losing those parts of me or the armor I developed over the course of many soul lives to protect myself.

As each layer is released or falls away, a truer part of me is revealed.  Sometimes, I don’t recognize myself as I no longer respond in my old ways through fear, resentment, and resistant.  Now, even under difficult or unpleasant situations, I smile at the situation, or laugh at how silly it is when I get bent out of shape about it.

Only in my dreams did I hope to live such a life.  My internal life is always stable and centered even when the rest of my life or the world is in complete chaos.  Those who hurt me no longer are able to hurt me as their actions and behaviors no longer matter to me, and my ego is no longer doing battle with other egos.

I no longer resonate with others who are filled with drama, chaos, anger, resentment, and hurt.  I am just so thankful energy that resonate at different frequencies no longer attract me, and I don’t feel their negative vibrations.  Energy does not lie, and we are how we vibrate. No amount of hiding it can cover up our energetic vibrations even when we pretend to be nice, con others, or lie about our intentions.

This is my new life, and I am smiling all the way.   (Copyright 2016 Awakeningn Journey with All Rights Reserved)





Walking the Path Forward


Since the rise of my Kundalini energy in March, 2011, my intuitive abilities have become more and more acute.  In recent months, I have been picking up remotely emotional problems of those close to me in my life.  This is a blessing and a curse as I have not developed the techniques to protect my own energy field.  On the other hand, feeling others energy is telling me who to keep in my life and who to let go.

As I progress, I am letting people go who I have outgrown as my life is diverging from theirs.  I believe that my picking up their negative energy that is making me feel rather ill, is a sign that I need to let them go in order to move on.  This is the difficulties of moving forward spiritually and emotionally.  Those who do not move forward with me, I must leave behind.

It is so sad as I interact with people in my life, and I am beginning to see them for who they really are.  They are injured and unhappy people, and I feel so sorry to leave them behind. I have been saying good-bye to many in my heart.  In order to live a stable, happy, and peaceful life, we must set very strict boundaries, and some of these boundaries may be to love others from afar.

Many do not even understand what I am doing or understand my journey.  We no longer speak the same language, but I know that others do not necessarily need to understand.  Although it feels solitary to be on this journey, I am truly happy that I am experiencing miracles in my life now.  I am eternally grateful for all that I am experiencing. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

How to Protect Your Energy as an Empath!

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This weekend, I spent time away with a friend who I met four years ago.  During this weekend, I realized how much I have changed.  As an empath, I can feel what others feel and what they are thinking.  During our time together, I was able to observed and become aware of her feelings, and my own feelings about how I relate to her now.

As I was in my friend’s energy field, I felt all the old feelings of wanting to control everyone and everything around me.  What I feel the most in people’s field is fear. It is the most dominant feeling, and maybe it is the dominant feeling for all humans as I also feel fear myself.

During this weekend, I realized that I need better energetic, emotional, and physical boundaries with others.  I ended our weekend early with my friend  as I no longer could tolerate how she controls me and everything around her.  The interesting thing is that she kept repeating how easy going she is and how flexible she is.  In interacting with her, she is neither easy going nor reflexible as we did everything she wanted to do, and she directed me even when we walked while shopping or walking from the car.

As we parted ways early, I ended up going for a long walk in the beautiful outdoors, had the meal that I wanted to eat this weekend, and went to my favorite clothing store.  I don’t make as much money as her, and my focus is no longer to make a lot of money, but to service others.  Our paths are diverging now, because she is who I was four years ago.

When I return home, I plan to begin practicing how to separate my feelings from others, so they don’t affect me so much energetically or emotionally.  I am sharing an article called, “Are Those Your Feelings?”  This aritcle gives great tips and techniques on how best to do this.  Good luck with your practice!  (Copyright 2015 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Dark Energy


It is true that where there is light, there also is darkness.  I have come to the conclusion that spiritual people, including Kundalini active individuals are like all people. Some are good and some are dark.  I came to this conclusion when I encountered my first Kundalini active person who was full of darkness.

I knew there was trouble when he boasted to me that he could put thoughts into people’s minds, and make them do things against their free will.  At that time, my Kundalini energy had not risen, so I was bewildered at how he was able to do this.  He told me about how he could put ideas or thoughts into other’s minds to get something he wanted.  Sometimes, it’s a book or items he wanted.

Little did I know that he put ideas into my mind about loaning him money as he lacked abundance and struggled with supporting himself.  I then realized that I was not the only person who was manipulated.  He tended to focus on women he would charm our pants off.  After charming us, he would put these ideas into our minds as if they were our ideas.  I realized that I was being manipulated because I rarely loan anyone money, not even to my family members.  It was just a rule of mine as my family has a history of being enbroiled in conflicts and arguments over money.

Other women he wooed also loaned him money.  They were frequenty amounts of several hundred dollars to several thousand dollars as he makes a meager living. Be aware of your own actions and your thoughts triggering these actions.  They may not be your own ideas or thoughts, and if these actions do not conform to your normal behaviors, these actions may not be under your own free will. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Right Reserved)