(Copyright 2023 Brooke Chang with All Rights Reserved.)
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Comfort Zone
Category: psychology
Gratitude
Gratitude for all the love and kindness in my life, and your presence on Pathway to Joy and Healing. Wishing happy Valentine’s Day to all my readers!
(Copyright 2023 Brooke Chang with all rights reserved.)
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Letting Go of Codependency
Article by Brooke Chang, Pathway to Joy and Healing
Leaving my Reiki practice was one of the more difficult decisions I’ve had to make, as I recently decided to retire from my practice. This decision came particularly difficult because I truly love and care about my clients. When I realized that my relationship with them had been based on codependency on my part and dependency on many of their parts, I felt that leaving my Reiki practice was the best solution in order to take ownership of this problem.
On a cool January day, I walked with some reservation and anxiety to my Reiki studio located in an older mall with a fountain in its center. As I entered the mall, the smell of disinfectant was strong, and the air was cool since the landlord never turned on the heat. I took the elevator to the second floor where I entered a shared suite and reception lounge. The couch and chairs in the reception lounge were modern with a tree of life sculpture hanging on the wall.
As I unlocked the door to my Reiki studio, the smell of a lavender candle lingered in the air which was used for a client from the previous day. In the Reiki studio, two original abstract landscape paintings by my husband hung on the wall along with my Reiki Therapy certificates. Several Himalayan salt lamps and wicker style furnishings were positioned around the small room. Muted light shone through the frosted windows and door. I felt calmer and less anxious as I prepared to tell my first client that we must conclude our time together and about my retirement from Reiki practice.
When my first client arrived, I greeted her cheerfully in the reception lounge and asked her how she was doing as we walked together to my Reiki studio. I took a deep breath and shared the difficult news about the codependency and dependency relationship that I have with my clients and our need to conclude our sessions due to my retirement. To my surprise, she seemed okay with our concluding. She asked a few questions about my retirement and wished me well. With each client thereafter, we had this discussion where I expressed what I needed to address with each of them.
Codependency defined by Merriam-Webster is a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another person. It places the needs of that person before his or her own. In codependency, a person tries to satisfy the needs of another who may have an addictive or emotionally unstable personality.
My codependency began in my childhood with parents who had addictive and emotionally unstable personalities. I learned to be their emotional care taker, and that setting boundaries was unsafe. My family dynamics were full of abuse, violence, and violation of personal boundaries, as my refusal to comply resulted in more emotional and physical abuse. After I complied with their demands, I suppressed the subsequent rage, anger, sadness, and fear that I felt.
My failure to be able to set healthy personal boundaries plagued me for most of my adult life. I suffered from guilt, obligation, and over-responsibility. My conditioned behaviors continued as I simply gave into others’ demands and gave up my own health, safety, time and resources. This continued into my Reiki Therapy practice.
The dynamic of Reiki Therapy lends itself readily to a codependent practitioner and dependent client relationship. The client has a passive role in their healing as they lie on a Reiki table while the practitioner performs the energy work. The client participates little in this energy healing. The practitioner becomes the caretaker while the client becomes the dependent to this practitioner and her energy work. This dynamic also occurred with my Reiki practitioner, when I received Reiki Therapy earlier on my healing journey.
I further became aware of the lessons that my clients were teaching me. I learned that I can’t save everyone and only they can save themselves. I am only a guide to support their healing journey. I also recognized that I must, as the practitioner, take responsibility to change any unhealthy dynamics with them. I referred many clients to psychotherapy to help them become more independent in their own healing, and to begin to reduce their sessions with me in order to conclude our work together.
Shortly after these conversations with my clients, I experienced a massive energetic heart release. It felt like strong tremors emanating from my heart chakra while I slept; this experience felt like it lasted for hours although I believe it only occurred for several minutes. I had experienced this type of energetic release before after major shifts within my emotional landscape. I also felt a tremendous relief come over me and overall wellbeing. Sadness, loss, and even anger and resentment also came over me, as I re-experienced what I must have suppressed as a child.
The letting go of this codependency is essential for my emotional growth. Each time I let go, I begin to grow, change, and ultimately, heal the trauma that has been stored within my energy field for most of my life. Each growth and change I experience culminates in my spiritual transformation to become the person I am intended to be. Peace and love, Brooke (Copyright 2023 Brooke Chang with all rights reserved. May be reblogged in its entirety with credit to this author, but may not be copied or excerpted.)
Our Neuropathways affect Spiritual Consciousness
With the advances in neuroscience, brain research as shown that physical wiring of the brain is effected by our thoughts moving through it. During periods of sustained attention, neurons will wire together to create neuropathways directly affecting what we experience in our lives. Therefore, if our thoughts involve fear, worry, and doubt, then more neuropathways will wire together causing us to experience more of these feelings in our lives.
This is known as neuroplasticity, also known as brain plasticity, and is defined as changes in neural pathways and synapses which are due to changes in behavior, environment and neural processes, as well as changes resulting from bodily injury. Neuroplasticity has replaced the formerly-held position that the brain is a physiologically static organ, and explores how – and in which ways – the brain changes throughout life.
Therefore, in order to change our neuropathways, we must begin by changing our thoughts to compassion, kindness, and unconditional love. I have witnessed changes in people I have observed who have changed the course of their lives to more positive results in that they met their perfect mate, got the job in their chosen field, and found a community of friends they longed for. The following posts provide specific methods and techniques to change our brain’s neuropathways as follows: Rewiring the Hardwiring, Rewiring the Hardwiring II, and Rewiring the Hardwiring III.
These positive results began with changes in their thoughts, whereby their neuropathways began to change, and resulted in concrete positive changes in their lives. Along with these positive thoughts, practicing acceptance and surrender will bring further peace and bliss into ours lives. It is wonderful to see that spiritual consciousness can be explained through modern science. (Copyright 2013 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
Steps to Healing Past Emotional Pain
During these past few months, I have been confronted with some deep seeded distrust as a result of my childhood abuse by and a philandering father. As an adult, I attracted men like my father into my life causing more emotional injury and trauma to my life. This has translated into distrust of men that is deeply ingrained within me. These past emotional injuries resulted in deep blockages within my sacral and heart chakras. In my attempts to unblock these chakras, I have tried the following methods:
- Letting go what you can’t control and letting go of past emotions and behaviors through intention, belief, and actions
- Awareness of triggering thoughts, events, and statements by simply observing them without reaction
- Acknowledge your fears through stating them out loud or writing them down
- Forgive yourself and others for past mistakes and failures by accepting your past
- Learning to love yourself through self care, setting healthy boundaries with others, and nurturing yourself
At the root of distrust is the lack of self love and fear. When we fear betrayal and being hurt again, we have not forgiven ourselves and others for injuring us. We have not learned to love ourselves through setting clear and healthy boundaries with others, and taking responsibility for and control of our actions that are forms of self love.
When we learn to let go of the past through clear intentions that we no longer want certain emotions and behaviors in our lives, we follow up with the belief that we can and will change them, then follow through with consistent change in our actions. Good luck with healing your past emotional pain. (Copyright 2017 with All Rights Reserved)
Moving Through Fear
Fear is like waves on the ocean that come in ebbs and flows. This is what I have been experiencing after a recent argument with my Twin Flame. His behaviors triggered my past injury that felt so painful that I reacted in a way I have not reacted in over 15 years. I thought that injury was healed, but I am realizing that I still am emotionally wounded.
This emotional wound causes me to behave with distrust, jealousy, and fear of betrayal. I also realized and acknowledge that this wound is within me. I believe that my twin and I share similar emotional wounds causing us to trigger each other, and share the same fear of being injured again. I have been observing my thoughts and feelings as these waves of fear hit me.
Last night, I admitted to my Twin Flame my deepest fear of no longer being young and pretty as I age. My fear is that someday in the near future, he will trade me in for a newer and younger woman. Just saying these words out loud made my fears dissipate. It connected me deeply with my Twin to share such vulnerability and deep seeded fear of unworthiness and lack.
Fear is the voice that prevents us from being injured again, but it also is the voice that prevents us from moving forward in our lives. It keeps us stuck in the same emotionally wounded place as when we first were wounded by someone we love. Facing our fears is the first step to dissipating this fear, and taking away its power to rule our lives. May you overcome your deepest fears. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
Facing My Demons
As many of my readers know, I am involved in a Twin Flame relationship. This relationship will push us to our limits and force us to face the unresolved demons still within us. This past weekend, I observed myself revert back to my demon of jealousy, anger, and feeling unworthy. I also am understanding how I am relating to sex as I was sexually abused as a child.
This weekend gave me so much insight into my emotional landscape. When my twin directs his attention to other women, I become jealous even when I know these women have no interest whatsoever in my twin, and he has no true sexual or romantic interest in them. Most of his attention toward other women is his attraction to their physical appearance such as staring at their face, legs, and other body parts. I know intellectually that physical attraction is fleeting and physical appearance is temporary.
However, I also know that my jealousy has to do with my feeling unworthy and inadequate. Although the degree of my jealousy is getting better, I still allow jealousy to control me. I know I have wonderful qualities, but something in me feels incomplete. I lack that love that I did not receive from my parents, and feel the hole that still is in my heart.
Much of this feeling of lack resulted from my childhood sexual abuse by my father. This sexual abused made me feel less than human and less than a woman now. Recently, my twin and I explored sexuality beyond my comfort level, but I did not realize it because it felt exciting and stimulating. It took my twin to help me acknowledge this within me. This sexual exploration made me feel excited and stimulated, but they are from my old patterns of my past that I must change for a healthier emotional and sex life.
This is what I learned from this weekend. My twin and I are changing our behaviors during the course of our relationship. We are attempting to change our sex life to a more emotional and spiritual one where physicality becomes less and less important. This is our spiritual journey together, while we process these issues separately then we share our work together. I feel I have passed the first part of an important test, and am so grateful for my twin and my blessings. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
Twin Flame Traps
As you ascend with your Twin Flames, there are some warnings I wanted to provide to those also in Twin Flame relationships. There are many pitfalls and traps involved in this relationship just as any other, but the intensity of Twin Flame relationships can result in obsessive and co-dependent behaviors.
Because Twin Flames are friendship and passion on fire, we are essentially playing with fire. Because we are so in tuned with our twin as we enjoy the same things, have similar professions, have similar missions, have similar hobbies, and have the same belief systems, we are completely in sync with our twins, and have great passion through tantra together, it is not unusual to fall into these traps and pitfalls.
The energy between Twin Flames feel so comfortable and comforting, you want to spend every hour together doing absolutely everything together because we are the same. The passion is through the roof with endless hours of tantric sexual connection. All this good vibes can easily result in obsessing about our twin every minute of every day when we have jobs to fulfill and other life obligations.
The co-dependency occurs when we are so connected energetically, emotionally, and spiritually with our twin that we lose where they end and where we begin in this relationship. We must be conscious and aware that we are still separate people with our own identity. Recently, I sat down with my Twin Flame to discuss these issues concerning me.
As Twin Flames, we communicate through unconditional love and compassion about these important issues. If we are to ascend with our twin, we must work together to resolve these issues that are even more pronounced due to the Twin Flame fire that fuel this intensity to a degree I have never experienced before with another. May you find your path back on track with your Twin Flame. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
Reflections From My Twin Flame
This was a tough weekend of self reflection. My twin flame has reflected back things about myself that I do not like, and things I want to change about myself. I still face self doubt and feelings of unworthiness. I know that when I see him, it reflects back to me those things that are the same. I see in him the need for approval and affirmation from others, and as I react to him, I realize these are still emotional crutches I still have within me.
In the past, I would lash out at my partners for these weaknesses, but now I realize these are things within me that I do not like, and still need to change. My instinct is to run from these feelings and distance myself from my reality. It is difficult to face with all the dramatic changes in my inner and outer life that I still have more work to do.
It is easy to blame our twin for our own inadequacies instead of taking ownership of things ourselves. I no longer wish to behave this way anymore; it is time to grow up. What is still needing this approval and affirmation within me? Why do I still have these feelings? What is the fear driving these behaviors? As I proceed with my Twin Flame, I continue to heal and reflect on what needs more emotional work.
When I heal, I will help my twin to heal as well. So my spiritual journey continues onto the next phase of emotional recovery and spiritual growth. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
Twin Flame Ascension
My twin flame and I are working through the ascension process. It has been very difficult as our emotional issues intertwine. I recently began taking jazz piano lessons since I have been playing classical piano since the age of eight. Initially, I didn’t really understand why I am taking lessons now, and recently, I realized it is because I need to work through my fear of unworthiness.
When I was a child, my parent enrolled me in piano lessons, recitals, and piano competitions from the age of eight. I constantly was criticized for making mistakes, and being judged by parents and others. I never felt good enough about my classical piano playing. Jazz piano is very different, in that it is free form. Except for the rhythm and timing that must be spot on, there are no wrong notes to play.
As I journey through my jazz piano studies, I am learning to let go of all my fears, angst, and anxiety from childhood. I work on these issues every time I sit down to play, as it is a moving meditation with Emotional Release Practice. With hard work, I know I will overcome these fears within me.
At the same time, my twin is working through his fears of rejection and unworthiness. Last night, I had to identify his issues involving his anger and rage within toward his father. He is aware of these issues, but have not been working on them recently. I saw his hardness and hurt within, and shared this with him. It was a very difficult conversation, because I had to tell someone I love his deepest wounds and resulting behaviors.
With courage, he has stepped up to the plate and hopefully, he will persevere through these challenges. If he fails to move forward, I explained that our union will falter, and he will fall into this deep darkness alone. I have fallen myself into this deep darkness full of demons and karma, and vowed never to return there again. I am full of hope for my twin that he will overcome his demons, and heal this darkness. (Copyright 2017 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)
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