PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

My recent emotional work surrounds the issue of jealousy.  I have been trying to get to the root of my jealousy, and I realized that it stems from my father’s many affairs with women, many who were married and who I know. These events instilled distrust within me involving men, and I always believed that all men are like my father. Many women talk about their fears of commitment, and fear being abandoned whether physically or emotionally by men as their fathers had done to their mothers or their families.

I have held a grudge against these women for hurting me and my family.  I held a deep seeded resentment against them, and against my father for betraying, cheating on, and lying to my family. Until recently, I did not realize how my father’s behaviors has affected my perceptions of men, and how it ultimately has effected my romantic life.  In healing this part of my emotional wounds, I have been trying to forgiveness my father and these women for betraying and hurting my family.

People throw around the word “forgiveness,” and say, “I forgive you.”  But true forgiveness means that we no longer hold a grudge against others, and we give others a chance to prove themselves, if they can show that they truly have changed.  This is a difficult thing to do, because it’s easy to say, “I forgive you,” but it is not easy to give others a true chance to prove they have changed because of our fears of being hurt again.

When I have fear, I find it helpful to write it down, as this seems to dissipate the fear, and allow it to release my ego.  As I let go of this fear more and more, the forgiveness appears to come easier, and I become less reactive and defensive around jealousy issues.  In the past several weeks, I have made amazing progress, and I am hopefully that I will heal this part of me soon.  (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with All Rights Reserved)