PATHWAY TO JOY AND HEALING

Article by W. Brooke Chang, Pathway to Joy and Healing

As I sat at my patio table for breakfast filled with grief and sadness, a bird feather floated next to me from nowhere. My husband said, “that’s Carolyn telling you she’s still with you.”  My dear friend had just died from her long battle with cancer.  Grief is our common experience we can’t bypass.  If we have loved, we will feel grief. This is what I have come to understand recently since the death of my dear friend. She only was three years older than me, and battled breast cancer for most of her adult life. 

When I met her four years ago, I immediately recognized her kindred spirit. She was strong, determined, and the most generous person I know. Although we only knew each other for four years, I felt I knew her for much longer. I was with her to the end of her life, and feel she is still with me in spirit even now.

Since her passing, I have felt anger, irritability, agitation, and easily frustrated.  It’s these emotions that’s just beneath the surface of my emotional state. These are the symptoms of grief. The 5 stages grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. See the stages of grief.

Grief is a strange thing. When we grieve, we really are grieving for ourselves for the loss of our loved ones.  We must move forward in this difficult world without their love, comfort, friendship, and support.  We are left alone here. Our loved ones make our lives worth living. Without them, we wonder if we have the strength to move forward.

Grief also is a reminder we are mortal. The time will come when we must say our good-byes to our loved ones. We may be terminally ill or infirmed.  We may suffer pain and discomfort. How will we fare at the end of our life? It’s this reality that makes us so sad and afraid.  

Although there’s no way to bypass the first four steps, acceptance, I believe, will relieve the pain of grief.  Learning to accept the death of our loved ones, and our own death through illness or sickness is the key to overcoming grief.  Just because we accept their death, doesn’t mean we no longer love them or have forgotten them. It means we accept what is and what will be.

This is one reason spirituality is so important to provide the strength and perseverance even in the face of moving forward without our loved ones, or our own sickness and death. While we practice our spiritual beliefs, we build this strength and perseverance over time. When we need them at the end of life or when our loved ones die, we will have the fortitude to face these difficulties. We learn even through fear, we can accept what we can’t control.  May you find acceptance through grief. ~Brooke

(Copyright 2023 W. Brooke Chang with all rights reserved. The contents may be reblogged in its entirety or hyperlinked to this article with credit to the author, but may not be duplicated, copied, or excerpted.)